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22/Jun/2017

Your day demands a lot from you.  You have to make dinner, get ready for school, complete a report for work, take your kids to the park… the list goes on and on.  You may find yourself wondering where the time goes during the day, or be in shock that you’ve arrived at the end of the work week so quickly.  Our lives and the world around us demand so much of our time and concentration that our brains think and worry about a litany of things, while distracting us from the present.  We can often find ourselves on “auto-pilot”, forgetting many key aspects of what we’ve actually done.  Our daily schedule will be full, and our engagement, not so much.

Being present and engaged in what is happening in front of us can be hard when we are trained to value multi-tasking.  Science has dispelled the myth of multitasking time and time again, noting that we don’t actually engage in more than one task at a time, but rather we shift our attention between tasks.  If we consider a situation where we are speaking to a person in front of us and browsing through Instagram simultaneously, we often believe that we can do both things and be fully engaged.  The truth is, we’re not.

To stay present and get the full value out of life’s experiences is clearly challenging, but not impossible.  Here are a few tips to keep in mind to stay engaged throughout the day:

  • Limit distractions.

Stop playing with your phone when the person in front of you is speaking to you, or wait until the show you’re watching is finished before trying to finish a report for work.  Trying to do more than one task at a time has our mind constantly shifting from one thing to the next, making it difficult for our mind to learn to focus for long bouts of time.

  • Make time for the things that are important to you.

We often try to do everything and then end up accomplishing nothing.  If something is important to you, schedule a specific time in your day to do these things that matter to you.  The world around us asks so much from us that we often procrastinate or simply forget to do the things that bring us the most joy.

  • If your mind wanders, bring yourself back.

With so many things on the go it’s easy to become “scatter brained”, and worry about tomorrow’s problems.  If you find that your mind is wandering while doing things that matter to you, bring yourself back into the present by noticing 5 things you can feel your body making contact with.  Next, notice five things in your environment that you can see or hear.  This small exercise helps you to bring attention to your body in space, and helps to bring your focus back to where you are in relation to the world.

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Source:  American Psychological Association.  (2006).  Multitasking: Switching Costs.  Retrieved from http://www.apa.org/research/action/multitask.aspx


16/Jun/2017

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I wanted to take the time, on behalf of everyone at Odyssey Health Services Inc., to wish everyone in the LGBTQ+ community a Happy Pride Month!  This is a time for celebration, activism, recognition, and pride for everyone in the community, and as an ally, I feel privileged to be able to be a part of it.

I have had both personal and professional experience interacting with the LGBTQ+ community, and I’m hoping today to share a little bit of what I’ve learned over the years.  Professionally, I have always been interested in being able to help individuals who identify as LGBTQ+.  Although we have come a long way as a society in recognizing and accepting LGBTQ+ individuals, resources for this group are scarce, and I’ve always had a desire to help change that.

During my time as a private practice therapist, I attended Oxford County Pride and catered to the LGBTQ+ community in my practice.  I’ve been to the 519 in Toronto to attend their Creating Authentic Spaces workshop, and I have used many resources from Rainbow Health Ontario to try and increase my knowledge in the hopes that I can be the best ally possible.  More recently, I attended a training session held by Rainbow Health Ontario designed for mental health care providers to help individuals who identify as transgender.  This seminar covered not only how to help these individuals understand the process of physically transitioning, but also understanding that transitioning means something different to everyone.  And that’s what I’ve found to be the underlying theme of both training and information for the LGBTQ+ community, as well as for people in general – everyone is unique and everyone’s journey is their own.

I don’t want to pretend that I have all the answers or that I can truly understand and appreciate what being a member of the LGBTQ+ community means, because I don’t.  I do, however, feel as though I’ve gained some valuable insight, not only into the struggles that this group feels, but also the amazing, beautiful people that create it.  So I thought I would share some of what I’ve learned so far in my journey, in the hopes that others may learn something too, and we can all be better allies and better humans.

So, if you’re an ally trying to do your best to foster an accepting and open environment, following some of these tips may help:

  1. Don’t Assume

This applies to many different things, including gender, sexual orientation, race, ethnicity, etc.  Also, don’t assume that just because someone identifies in a certain way that their journey has to look a certain way as well.  For example, not all people who identify as transgender have the desire to physically transition to their identified sex.

Also, never assume that someone has come out to everyone.  If someone has trusted you with this information, take that as a compliment.  It is not your job or your right to tell other people about an individual’s sexual or gender identity.  This leads perfectly into my next tip:

  1. If you’re not sure – ASK!

If you’re not sure how to refer to someone, simply ask them which pronouns they would like you to use – they would much prefer you to ask the question than to misgender them, for example.

  1. Don’t Question

While this may seem counterintuitive to number two, it’s really not.  Here we’re talking about more than just asking someone about their desired pronouns.  Just like you don’t want to be asked questions about your sexual history or desires (probably), neither do people in the LGBTQ+ community.  It’s not appropriate to ask if someone has physically transitioned if they identify as transgender, to ask about someone’s sexual history, or to grill someone about their experience.  If they want to divulge this information, then they will do it on their own.

For more tips on how to me a more effective ally, click here.

The next thing I would like to provide to you is a short list of terms commonly used in the LGBTQ+ community, and what they mean.  This list is by no means an exhaustive one, and I’ve included common terms that only some LGBTQ+ individuals often identify with.  For a more extensive list, including information on discrimination and other terms, please click here.

Common Terms and What they Mean:

Ally:  “A person who works to end a form of oppression that gives them privilege(s).  Allies listen to, and are guided by, communities and individuals affected by oppression” (The 519).

Asexual:  “A sexual orientation where a person experiences little or no sexual attraction” (The 519).

Bisexual:  “A person who is emotionally, physically, spiritually, and/or sexually attracted to people of more than one gender, though not necessarily at the same time” (The 519).

Cis/Cisgender:  “Cisgender is used to explain the phenomena where a person’s gender identity is in line with or ‘matches’ the sex they were assigned at birth” (The 519).

Gay:  “A person whose enduring physical, romantic, spiritual, emotional, and/or sexual attractions are to people of the same gender.  The word can refer to men or women” (The 519).

Intersex:  “A term used to describe a person born with reproductive systems, chromosomes and/or hormones that are not easily characterized as male or female… Some intersex people identify with their assigned sex, while others do not, and some choose to identify as intersex” (The 519).

Lesbian:  “A woman who is emotionally, physically, spiritually, and/or sexually attracted to women” (The 519).

Pansexual:  “A person who has the potential for romantic and sexual attraction to people of any gender or sex” (The 519).

Queer:  “Formerly derogatory slang term used to identify LGBT people.  Some members of the LGBT community have embraced and reinvented this term as a positive and proud political identifier when speaking among and about themselves” (The 519).

Trans/Transgender:  “Umbrella terms that describe people with diverse gender identities and gender expressions that do not conform to stereotypical ideas about what it means to be a girl/woman or boy/man in society.  ‘Trans’ can mean transcending beyond, existing between, or crossing over the gender spectrum.  It includes but is not limited to people who identify as transgender, transsexual, cross-dressers or gender non-conforming (gender variant or gender-queer).  Trans identities include people whose gender identity is different from the gender associated with their birth-assigned sex.  Trans people may or may not undergo medically sup­portive treatments, such as hormone therapy and a range of surgical procedures, to align their bodies with their internally felt gender identity” (The 519).

Again, this list is by no means an exhaustive one, but is rather a list to help you clarify what some of these terms mean, if you are not familiar already.

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References

The 519. (n.d.). The 519 Glossary of Terms. Retrieved from The 519: http://www.the519.org/education-training/glossary

 



Having difficulties sleeping can be one of the most frustrating struggles for one to experience.  Whether it’s troubles falling asleep, waking up, or getting out of bed in the morning, issues with sleep can significantly impact other areas of our life.

Here are some tried and true tips inspired by research to help you set up an optimal sleep environment:

1. Set an alarm and wake up at the same time every day.

Although it can be tempting to base our wake up time on our schedule, our bodies can have difficulties adapting to these variations.  Waking up at different times each day can induce feelings similar to jet lag, leaving you feeling tired during the day.  Instead, try setting an alarm for the same time each day, even on weekends.

2.  Avoid screen time before bed, and download blue-light blocking apps.

Research has shown that blue light exposure from light-emitting eReaders before bed can negatively impact our quality of sleep at night and next-morning alertness (Chang et al., 2015). Using electronics in bed before you attempt to fall asleep may also be stimulating in general, by the nature of the content you are viewing or prolonged use.  To avoid electronics interfering with your sleep, commit to only using electronics outside of the bedroom environment.  You can also download applications which are specifically developed to remove the blue light from your electronics corresponding with normal daytime hours. “flux” is an example of one such application, and can be downloaded from the following link: https://justgetflux.com/

 3. Remove your bedroom clock or hide the display.

I cannot stress this one enough.  As a self-admitted bedroom clock-watcher, I can attest to how anxiety-provoking it can be to watch the clock count down closer and closer to the alarm going off.  Hours of “Okay, now I will have five hours of sleep… Now four and a half…” can further add to sleep anxiety and prolonged periods of tossing and turning.  Instead, shut off your clock display, turn the clock so it is not facing you, or cover the display with a face cloth so you cannot see it.

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4.  Avoid caffeine and nicotine close to bed.

Any caffeinated products (including coffee, tea, and soda) should be avoided five to six hours before bed.  Therefore, if you plan to go to bed at 10:00 p.m., avoid caffeine after 4:00 p.m.  This ensures that the caffeine has enough time to work its way through your system (which typically takes approximately 6 hours) before you go to sleep.  Similarly, nicotine should be avoided 2-3 hours before bed, as this is the time frame nicotine requires to work through your system.

5.  If you can’t sleep, try getting out of bed.

If you are in bed tossing and turning for greater than twenty minutes, it may be beneficial to try to get out of bed for a brief change in environments.  You may try to walk around the house, have a drink of water, or try a breathing exercise in the living room.  If you are lying in bed thinking of all the things you need to do the next day, it may be helpful to go to the kitchen or living room and write a list of the things you need to do.  You can leave your list on the table there and then return to bed, knowing that those to-do’s will still be there for you in the morning.

6.  Increase physical activity during the day.

There is ample scientific evidence that exercise improves quality of sleep, and can also improve human sleep disorders (Sherrill et al., 1998).   With direct benefits for sleep and countless benefits for other areas of our health, why not get active!  Try to aim for 30 consecutive minutes of physical activity per day, through activities such as taking a class at the gym, going for a long walk, or playing with the kids.

Adapting to a new sleep routine can be frustrating, and it does take time.  Be persistent with using these strategies, and you should be on the road to a restful night’s sleep!

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References

Chang, A., Aeschbach, D., Duffy, J., & Czeisler, C. (2015). Evening use of light-emitting eReaders negatively affects sleep, circadian timing, and next-morning alertness. PNAS, 112(4): 1232-1237.

Sherrill, D., Kotchou, K., & Quan, S. (1998). Association of physical activity and sleep disorders. Arch Intern Med. 158(17): 1894-18


1/Jun/2017

I am sure I am not alone in ever wishing away the next few tough days at work or getting an unpleasant appointment or test over with, dreaming of the weekend. I LOVE WEEKENDS, I get to go where I want, take my time doing so, and enjoy ample time with my loved ones.

But, as my use of mindfulness and other aspects of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy has increased over recent years, I have also found myself reflecting on the importance of soaking up each day or rather each moment, instead of trying to rush through week days to arrive at my very short lasting weekend.

Incorporating fulfilling and important tasks into your daily life is so important– including on week days! Seeing as though 5 out of 7 days of the week (that’s 71% of our time) are week days I’d say using those days to do things that are important to you and bring you closer to the life you want is crucial. Otherwise, we can all end up spending the majority of our time rushing through life and missing out on a full life.

For example, this week I have made it my mission to do something that aligns with what is important to me every single day.  Here is my schedule:

Monday: Call my Mom and plan a dinner date for next week

Tuesday: Go to the park with my Husband and dog in the evening

Wednesday: Go out to lunch with a group from work

Thursday: Write in my journal on my break at work

Friday: Go to the gym in the morning

So my challenge to you is to try to not just live for the weekend. Yes, weekends are a great break for many of us, but I encourage you to make the best of your time during the week too. Not only spending time at work but with the other hours you have to spend with your loved ones, taking your time and doing things that bring fulfillment to your life.

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25/May/2017

Do you feel as though your clothes just don’t fit the way you would like them to?  Do you feel anxious about the upcoming summer months and losing the layers of winter clothing?  Do you feel like the battle to lose weight and feel great is an endless one?  Well, you’re not alone.

‘Do you feel fat?’ is an abrupt question and may be intimidating  for many to answer, but the reality is that it is, in fact, how many of us are already feeling, and the majority of us would respond ‘yes’.  I felt a bit apprehensive in using this very question as the title of my blog and the tagline of our advertising campaign for the month, but throughout my research for this blog, I came to learn that the fact of the matter is that asking people this question is really just getting to the point and not ‘avoiding the elephant in the room’, so to speak.  This trend is not surprising given the media’s influence on people’s perception of what is considered to be ‘fat’.  Responding affirmatively to this question does not necessarily mean that our weight or body mass index (BMI) falls within a category that is considered to be overweight or obese, nor would it confirm without a doubt that our body shape or size is posing any risk to our health.  I am not saying that feeling fat never equals being fat, but I am saying that the former can, and most definitely does in many cases, exist without the latter.

I was interested in collecting some numbers so that I could really see if what I thought was happening was really happening – if many people felt fat and were dissatisfied with their body.  I anonymously surveyed 100 people of varying characteristics, ages, genders, and cultures.  I asked them a series of questions, which were as follows:

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The results were what I had expected, yet for some reason I was still surprised by what I saw.

I know that a lot of people feel fat, and I know that many are dissatisfied with their body, but seeing the numbers really drove the point home – people’s undesirable body image, whether justified or not, is a real problem.

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Click here to see a bigger image:  do-you-feel-fat-surevy-results

As you can see in the graph above, the majority of people we surveyed feel fat, are not satisfied with their body, have tried dieting, would like to lose weight, compare their bodies to others, and are unhappy with the number on the scale.  Surprisingly, many even said that others would not agree with their perception of their shape and size, suggesting that this may be a group of individuals who feel fat, but perhaps would not necessarily meet the true criteria for being fat or may not be seen as fat by othersLet’s face it – we are typically our own worst enemy and toughest critic!

There are a number of assumptions we can make when analyzing these results.  Here are a few assumptions that I have made based on these results, but there are definitely still other angles that can be taken.

  • Many people are in fact overweight: It is known that overweight and obesity is a real problem in the current world, and perhaps the reason that many confirmed that they feel fat, are unhappy with the number on the scale, and are dissatisfied with their body, is because they are, in fact, overweight or obese.  Again, this is just an assumption we can make since we did not ask any information in our survey about weight classification or BMI.  Statistics Canada reported that in 2014, 61.8% of Canadian men and 46.2% of Canadian women were said to be overweight or obese based on their BMI classification (The Huffington Post, 2015).  If being overweight or obese is where the problem lies, then behavioural intervention (i.e. eating behaviour, exercise, education, etc.) is required to prevent weight gain to a level that puts people into these categories.
  • The majority of people have a negative body image: Whether or not individuals fall into the overweight or obese categories, it is evident that body image is a real issue that needs to be addressed.  The Canadian Women’s Health Network supports this point as it reports that 80% to 90% of women and girls in Canada are unhappy with the way they look (CWHN, 2012).  Women are not the only ones dealing with body image issues as many people may think.  The Guardian reported that more than 81% of men talk in ways that promote anxiety about their body image by referring to perceived flaws and imperfections, compared with 75% of women (The Guardian, 2012).  The study also found that 38% of men would sacrifice at least a year of their life in exchange for a perfect body.  If body image is where the problem lies, then psychological intervention is needed to help individuals maintain a positive perception of their size and shape – a positive body image.
  • The media and cultural trends have influenced unrealistic and likely unhealthy perceptions of what is considered to be an attractive body shape and size: If we look back over the years, the ‘perfect’ body shape and size has changed drastically, and what may have been considered ‘attractive’ or ‘desirable’ decades ago, would now be considered ‘fat’, ‘unattractive’, or ‘undesirable’.  This video shared by BuzzFeedVideos in 2015 shows the ideal body types over time: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xrp0zJZu0a4.  The media’s view of ‘the perfect body’ is not static and so why should we keep trying to chase it, rather than learning to love the body we have, as long as we are doing what is needed to keep it healthy.  If you feel fat, consider how much the media is playing into that feeling.  If the media and its strong influence over our perceptions is where the problem lies, then educational intervention is needed to help individuals understand that different body shapes, types, and sizes exist, and that striving to be something we are not can cause more harm than good.

There are indeed other interpretations or conclusions we can make based on the results of our mini study’s results, however, there seems to be one overarching issue that needs to be addressed, regardless of the root of the problem – people feel fat, are unhappy with their bodies, and are looking for solutions.  If people continue to feel fat, a chain reaction of other problems can begin.

Some studies, including one done in 2012 by The Norwegian University of Science and Technology, found that thinking you are fat or feeling fat can actually lead to you becoming fat.  They identified a number of reasons supporting why this may happen, such as the psychosocial stress of trying to achieve the ‘ideal body type’, skipping meals, and ‘yo-yoing’ on and off unsustainable diets.  Other studies, including a body image study done by researchers at Bradley Hospital, Butler Hospital, and Brown Medical School, have looked at the effect of having a negative body image on psychological health.  This study and others like it have concluded that adolescents with negative body image concerns are more likely to be depressed, anxious, and suicidal than those without intense dissatisfaction over their appearance, even when compared to adolescents with other psychiatric illnesses.  They also found that in addition to higher levels of depression, anxiety and suicidality, patients with shape/weight preoccupations expressed higher levels of dissociation (a coping style characterized by blocking out emotions), sexual preoccupation/distress, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and that the majority of the adolescents in the study were not actually overweight.  This suggests that weight may not be the problem, but rather the perceptions that individuals have of themselves, whether or not they are in fact overweight.

At Odyssey Health Services Inc. we understand this issue, and have developed an effective psychological, educational, and behavioural solution.  Our approach to this issue may be different than others and may be new to many people, but it is supported by the scientific evidence, and we encourage it with confidence.  It allows us to tackle all of the issues that have been researched around ‘’feeling fat’’, including the true need to lose weight, the need for proper education around eating behaviours and perceptions of ‘the perfect body’ and psychological strategies around acceptance, engagement in life regardless of how you feel, and coping with challenges or barriers along the way.

Our solution is ACT for Mindful Eating.  This 10-session course begins in September of 2017.  Students will learn to approach all of their behaviours more mindfully, from grocery shopping to food preparation to eating in restaurants and at work, and to maintaining a risk free eating environment in the home.  Mindful Eating helps us to better understand, appreciate and, when needed, change our relationship with food.  Mindfulness helps us to foster a non-judgemental acceptance of things as they are in the present moment (i.e. our current body shape and size), notice what can and cannot be changed, move towards what is meaningful to us, and to continue along that very path regardless of the ‘stuff’ that interferes or may try to stop us on our way.

We can quite reasonably assume that many of you reading this will have felt fat at some point, may feel fat right now, or may know someone that feels fat, and we can help.  Please feel free to get in touch with us if you are interested in hearing more about what we can do for you.

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19/May/2017

I want to be able to wear a blouse tucked into jeans, but am waiting until I have lost weight and am in better shape to do so.  My friend has had severe panic attacks and is waiting to “feel better” before resuming work and social activities that she used to love.  What do we have in common?  We have pressed the “pause button” on life while we wait for things to feel “right” or “better”.

Has this happened to you or someone you know?  What are you waiting for?  What needs to be “fixed” before you can move on with the life that you desire?  We all know that our time on earth is limited.  The harsh reality is that if you live until age 85 that means that you will spend 31,025 days on this earth.  I am 67 years old so, by my calculation, I have 7,300 days left to live.  That is a sobering thought and helps me to put into perspective every day, every hour and every minute that I am not engaging in activities that are most meaningful to me.

How many days do you have left?   

         31,025                 –  (                                X        365      )  =                     days left to live.

# days to age 85                 Your current age

 

Now, how are you going to spend your remaining days?  Will you sit back and wait for something to be “fixed”?

Here are some tips for that will help you to get the most out of your life.

  1. Get out of autopilot. Practice both formal and informal mindfulness to keep you in the present moment.  For example, eat a meal for the first 5 minutes in silence.  Notice everything about the food and your surroundings.  Or, schedule an hour a day with no electronics.  Stop to smell the roses.
  2. Choose to live a life that is most meaningful to you. Identify your values (i.e. family, work, friends, health, education, etc.) and look for ways to move towards those values with every decision that you make.
  3. Increase your production of endorphins, the feel good drug. By exercising in your training heart rate range for 30 minutes a day, you can reduce symptoms of anxiety and depressed mood and increase the amount of energy that you need to engage in other meaningful activities.
  4. Adopt a mantra – “This too shall pass”. Everyday things happen that result in stress, fear and anger, but a few days later those events are hardly remembered.  Learn how to sit with those thoughts without letting them control your reaction.
  5. Choose to observe rather than neglect and to do rather than avoid. Rather than trying to get through the day, see what you can get out of the day.  You will find greater direction and purpose in your life.

If you want to understand how these suggested strategies may change your life, Vicktor Frankl wrote a great book about how humans need purpose in their lives called Man’s Search for Meaning: The classic tribute to hope from the Holocaust.  It’s a moving and fascinating story of the people who suffered in the concentration camps and how meaning in their lives kept some of them alive.

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11/May/2017

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It’s that time of the year again – the weather is warming up, the days are getting longer, flowers are beginning to bloom – and we’re beginning to notice all of the clutter in our homes.  I don’t know about you, but I know that when my home, garage, shed, or car is cluttered, I feel like my mind is cluttered!  I find myself becoming distracted much more easily and can’t concentrate when the house is a mess.

Spring is a great time to clean out your home and garage in order to prepare for summer barbeques, get-togethers, and longer days spent outdoors.  But it can be a daunting task, especially if it’s a while since the last time you cleaned.  In order to help get the process done as quickly and painlessly as possible, you can follow some of the following tips:

1. Make a List

Not sure where to start?  Try going room to room, and making a list of everything that needs to be done.  Alternatively, create categories and organize your tasks that way.  For example, you could have a list of different things you have to organize versus things you have to clean.  It may also be helpful to include the estimated amount of time it may take to complete each task.  See the example below for ideas:

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2. Break it Down

Large tasks can seem really intimidating and you may find yourself thinking “I’ll never get that finished”.  Try breaking down a large task, such as organizing the garage, into smaller steps.  This way, instead of worrying about the long-term, daunting task of having a beautifully organized garage, you can instead focus on small tasks one at a time.  For example, you may want to start with one corner of the garage, or begin by organizing your tools and then move onto storage boxes, and from there clean up the kids’ toys.

3. Schedule Your Time

Scheduling in time to do any sort of unpleasant task helps to ensure that we complete the task – we are much more likely, for example, to go to the gym if we schedule it in our calendars than if we do not[1].  Spring cleaning is no different!  Take your list of tasks that you want to complete, and schedule them into your calendar around work, leisure, and family activities in order to help keep yourself accountable and to have a plan.

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4. Be Mindful

Spring cleaning can be frustrating, exhausting, and an overall unpleasant experience.  It’s important that we keep in mind all of the reasons you may have to be doing spring cleaning in the first place.  In order to help keep our values at the forefront of our minds, practicing mindfulness can be really helpful.  Mindfulness helps ground you in the present so that you can get back in touch with your values and remind yourself why you’re doing all of this.  Click here for some quick mindfulness practices you can teach yourself.

5. Do What Works for You

All of the above tips can be really helpful for ensuring that your spring cleaning goes smoothly and efficiently.  However, everyone is different, and some of these items may not work well for you.  It is important to plan your spring cleaning in a way that is going to be most beneficial for you.  For example, you may like to get things done all at once, so scheduling your cleaning for a weekend and completing it in two days may be the best way to get it done.  For others, it may make more sense to do a little bit each day, and that’s okay!  Set yourself up for success!

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[1] See: Coffman, S.J. et al. (2007) Extreme Non-Response in Cognitive Therapy:  Can Behavioural Activation Succeed where Cognitive Therapy Fails?  Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, Volume 75, No. 4, Pages 531-541 and Dobson, K.S. et al. (2008) Randomized Trial of Behavioural Activation, Cognitive Therapy, and Antidepressant Medicine in the Prevention of Relapse and Recurrence in Major Depression, Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, Volume 76, No. 3, Pages 468-477.



“My happiness grows in direct proportion to my acceptance, and in inverse proportion to my expectations” –Michael J. Fox

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Although acceptance is the namesake and one of the main premises of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), it can be a difficult concept to understand and an even more challenging one to put into practice.

There are many misconceptions about acceptance.  When we speak of acceptance, we do not mean liking or wanting something that we are struggling with.  It also does not mean resigning or giving up on trying to improve a situation.  Rather, acceptance means taking a stance that is fully open to experiencing thoughts, feelings, and sensations, whether pleasant or unpleasant.

Our minds do not seem to come innately wired for acceptance.  More often than not, we find ourselves struggling with difficult thoughts, feelings, and sensations.  Almost all of us have some version of a “not good enough” story.  We may compare ourselves to others in terms of wealth, attractiveness, status, or achievements and wonder why we do not stack up.  This can then lead to struggle, and attempting to cope with the struggle by doing things that do not bring us closer to achieving these ideals.

For example, one may have the thought “I wish I was as attractive as them” which then leads to feelings of shame, guilt, frustration, or sadness.  The individual may struggle more with those feelings, and then try to alleviate some of the pain through distraction techniques such as television or overeating.  Unfortunately, these strategies are unlikely to rid the individual of the feeling forever, and they are likely to produce further feelings of frustration, sadness, and shame.  This can lead to further distraction techniques, which then becomes a cycle of struggle.

Acceptance offers us an alternative to feeling caught in a battle with our own mind.  When we choose to accept a thought, feeling, or sensation, we are acknowledging that sensation and allowing its presence – even if it is unpleasant for us to do so.  It is greeting the feeling with open arms; even if it is not something we want, with the knowledge that it is normal and natural to have this feeling.  It is meeting the feeling with compassion, noticing that we hurt where we care, and this is a feeling that is telling us something is important to us.

So how do we do this?  The first step is to notice the thoughts, feelings, or sensations you may be struggling with.  What is it?  Notice where you feel this struggle – how does it show up as a sensation in your body?  Do you feel a tightening in your chest?  A knot in your stomach?  A lump in your throat?  Notice what your urge to do is when this sensation shows up.  Do you have the urge to run, and not confront it?  The urge to watch television, or have a snack?  The urge to yell, or tell somebody off?  Notice if these urges bring you closer to the person you would like to be, or take you away from them.  Finally, you may ask yourself: Is it possible to sit with these sensations and allow them to be there while refraining from acting on the urges?

We may find that acceptance is easier with some thoughts or sensations, and more difficult with others.  There may be times when acceptance comes easy to us, and we welcome thoughts and feelings with open arms.  Then there may be other times when we notice we are in a struggle, but cannot seem to find the will to accept.  Accept this.  The more we accept, the more we can notice thoughts that hook us and the urges that come from the thoughts, without acting on those urges.  The more we utilize acceptance, the more we may have compassion for ourselves and for others who are struggling.

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26/Apr/2017

small-shortsIt has been a LONG winter and now the sun is shining and you want to enjoy the outdoors.  You pull out your favourite pair of shorts and pull them on.  What the heck!!!!!!  WHO SHRUNK MY SHORTS?  Don’t worry, you are not alone!  You may ask yourself whether your partner washed them in hot water or you may wonder if these shorts belong to your skinny sister.  But deep down inside, you know that it is not the shorts that shrunk, but you who has grown bigger.

Now, if the answer to how you gained the weight isn’t immediately apparent, it could be due to something called the “mindless margin”.  There are many cues in our environment that lead us to overeat and for most of us they impact our eating without us even knowing about it.  And it doesn’t take much extra eating to pile on the pounds.  Did you know that eating just 3 jelly beans a day for a year is enough extra calories to result in a 1 pound weight gain?  That “mindless margin” is only 10 extra calories a day.  If you eat way too much, you know it, and if you eat too little, you can tell.  However, eating even 100 extra calories more or less in a day is not noticeable and is significant when it comes to your weight.  But 100 calories a day equals 10 pounds in a year!!!!

mindless-margin

 So every time that you eat every last bite of your dinner, even though you were already full half way through; eating half of that cookie still sitting on the pan as you walk by the kitchen; eating the few bites that your child leaves on their plate – This is the “mindless margin”.  In all of the above instances, it’s not that you were consuming the extra calories because you needed them – you weren’t even hungry!  And if you had resisted them, you would never have missed them.  In each case, you may have just ‘slightly overeaten’, but the price you end up paying for this is high.

So what is the solution?  Being more mindful about our eating is one answer, and you can check out our previously posted blog (Who Stole My Chips?) for tips about how to do this.  But a safer response may be to change your everyday eating environment to protect you from the “mindless margin”.  Use a smaller plate or glass, sit further away from the buffet table, move the candy dish off your desk at work.  All of these have been proven – scientifically – to result in less eating.

You can learn how to do this and a whole lot more by registering for our eating control course titled ACT for ME starting in September 2017.

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Source – Brian Wansink.  (2006).  Mindless Eating.


21/Apr/2017

Over my Easter weekend with family, this word – mindfulness – came up a few times.  It became a hot conversation topic and sparked curiosity and interest within all of us, particularly with those that do not have much experience with it, or do not fully know what it is.

‘Mindfulness’ has been a big buzz word for the past little while now, but after our family conversation over the weekend, it became clear to me that not everyone really knows what it is, or the purpose of it.

Some were arguing that it was a technique used to relax and clear the mind, while others argued that it was a strategy to improve concentration on whatever you are doing.  While neither of these are entirely wrong, they are also not entirely accurate.  Some felt that it was more effortful to be consciously mindful than to just move through the day as one normally would, and others felt that it was something that could only be done if time was set aside each day to dedicate to the practice of it.  Again, neither points are globally wrong, although neither are fully correct either.

I realized through our conversations, that mindfulness is not a clear cut idea that everyone and anyone would come to understand from just one simple definition, although the practice of it can truly be simple once you understand its purpose.

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So then what IS mindfulness anyway?

The way I would define mindfulness is that it consists of openly, fully, and non-judgementally experiencing all there is to experience in any given moment, both internally and externally.  Mindfulness is about connecting with your senses and being present in the here and now,  It is about acknowledging, accepting, and ‘ sitting with’ whatever thoughts, feelings, emotions, judgements, physical sensations, or other internal or external content that shows up for you, without trying to change it.  It is also about learning how to see each of the pieces of your experience as equal parts of your moment-to-moment existence in that you are not labelling or attaching any form of judgment to them as being ‘good’ or ‘bad’, ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.

While many believe that mindfulness is a relaxation technique, relaxation is not exactly the aim of mindfulness, although can often be a ‘side effect’.  When we are being mindful, we are not trying to clear our minds and think of ‘nothing’, we are actually doing quite the opposite – noticing and acknowledging everything that is showing up in our mind.  The difference between being mindful and being in full concentration of something may be that when you are in full concentration you have likely attached yourself in some way to what it is you are focusing on, whereas with mindfulness the goal is to stay detached from the content of your mind and to allow it to come and go as it will.

I can fully understand why some may feel that mindfulness takes effort, and that is because it is not how we have evolved to go about life.  Living the busy lives that we all live often leads us to living life in what we like to call ‘auto-pilot’ without fully noticing and appreciating our experiences.  For example, perhaps while enjoying a relaxing, soothing massage, we are thinking about the work we have to get done that evening, or thinking about what we will make for dinner.  Or while out for dinner with friends, we may be scrolling through our cell phones to see what we have missed on social media, or to check whether we have any ‘urgent’ emails to respond to.  So yes, being mindful does not always come easy to us, which is why it is important to practice it every day.

There are two kinds of mindfulness:  (1) Formal mindfulness, and (2) Informal mindfulness.  Formal mindfulness requires setting aside time to practice mindfulness.  This would include choosing a particular mindfulness technique such as breath awareness, and setting aside a specific amount of time dedicated only to that.  Informal mindfulness can be paired with any of your day-to-day activities.  Some great examples of when you can practice informal mindfulness include while washing dishes, while brushing your teeth, or while taking a hot shower.  These are things that we tend to do on a daily basis, but may not be fully present in the experiences involved with each of these activities since they are so routine to us.

Practicing mindfulness can be challenging at first, but the more one practices, the more likely they are to notice that they are becoming more mindful in their daily lives without even trying and without any added effort.

I encourage you all to start off by setting aside 10 minutes per day to practice formal mindfulness, and I encourage you to incorporate informal mindfulness into as many of your daily activities as you can.  Like I said, the more you practice, the more likely you are to naturally be more mindful within your daily life.


Here is an example of a quick formal mindfulness strategy that you can try as you start out:

This is a simple exercise to center yourself and connect with your environment.  Practice it throughout the day, especially any time you find yourself getting caught up in your thoughts and feelings.

  1. Take ten slow, deep breaths.  Focus on breathing out as slowly as possible until the lungs are completely empty—and then allow them to refill by themselves.
  2. Notice the sensations of your lungs emptying.  Notice them refilling.  Notice your rib cage rising and falling.  Notice the gentle rise and fall of your shoulders.
  3. See if you can let your thoughts come and go as if they’re just passing cars, driving past outside your
  4. Expand your awareness: simultaneously notice your breathing and your body.  Then

look around the room and notice what you can see, hear, smell, touch, and feel.

Here is an example of how you can be informally mindful while doing an activity, such as washing the dishes:

Notice the temperature of the water, notice the texture of each of the dishes, notice the weight of the dishes, notice the smell of the soap, notice how the sponge feels, notice how your hands feel when they are full of soap versus when they are not, notice the sounds associated with washing the dishes.

See if you can optimize your engagement and appreciation of all that is involved within your daily activities by being mindful as you carry them out.


Good luck, and please feel free to share some of your thoughts and comments with us as you progress through your journey mindfully.

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